A lot of people asked me how do my girls get along so well and have they ever fought with each other?
Haha. My girls are normal kids, guys. Of course they fight!
They usually fight verbally (girls, right) over petty things like… whose hair is longer, or who should become Twilight Sparkle, or when kakak doesn’t want to sit beside adik, or when Raina sang My Little Pony song wrongly… stuff like that.
And then they would always end it with “I DON’T WANNA FRIEND YOU!” or even “I DON’T WANT TO BUY YOUR BIRTHDAY PRESENT BECAUSE YOU DON’T BEHAVE!” and then the other would cry, “HUWAAA SHE DON’T WANT TO BUY ME PRESENT NANTI I DON’T HAVE PRESENT!”.
Sheeshhh pening aku -___-’
But their squabbles and fights don’t last long. One minute they’re like Ultraman and raksasa (except this Ultraman and raksasa fought over which Lego Friends scene they should pretend-play), and the next minute they’re like BFFs, laughing and giggling away like nothing ever happened.
Like the other day, they were fighting over iPad and there were lots of screaming and crying involved. Apparently, one of them “ruined” Sofia’s bedroom because she colored the bed with the wrong color and didn’t put the right accessories or something (they were playing Sofia The First coloring game by the way).
5 minutes later, they came downstairs together and Ayra told me, “Mama, I like Raina. She’s my best friend foreverr!”.
I guess it’s normal for siblings to fight and squabble every now and then. But one thing I learned is not to blame only one child or assume things based on what you see without finding out what really happened. Listen to both sides of the story. Let each child explain and then only take necessary actions (advice and whatnot). Parents should be the peacemaker here!
One time, I casually asked Ayra whether she loves her little sis and she said, “Yes, I love Raina. She’s so sweet and funny and she’s so silly”.
Then I asked Raina the same thing and she answered, “I love kakak because she so nice and like to teach me”.
These two can be really sweet with one another when they’re not fighting. I just love to see how they get along nicely. It never fails to warm my heart. I hope my girls will remain close (if not closer) when they’re older, insya-Allah.
I think parents play a very important role in helping nurture a good sibling relationship. I know it can get really tempting to compare your children with one another (I admit I used to do that too), but please please pleaseee avoid comparing siblings, especially in front of them. It’s a recipe for disaster that can lead to sibling rivalry. Nobody likes to be compared – I’m sure you don’t like it when somebody compares you with someone else so don’t do it, especially to your children. Everyone is different and has unique talents and abilities; so does your child.
When you compliment or praise one of your children, compliment the others as well. You don’t want your child to feel “superior” or appreciated more than his/her other siblings and you certainly don’t want your other child to feel, “Mom probably loves my brother more because he’s smart”. You want each of them to know that they are all special in their own ways and that you love them no matter what. Insya-Allah they will learn to appreciate and respect each other. I actually learned this from my MIL (somebody once complimented one of my girls and my MIL told that person, “Kalau puji sorang, kena la puji sorang lagi”) and I have been doing it ever since. The compliments don’t have to be the same. Like for example, when I told Ayra, “Your hair is beautiful. So straight and smooth, I like it”, I would also tell Raina that, “I like your curly hair. It looks fabulous”.
Whether it’s their appearances or their abilities, just try to find the best in every child and appreciate their differences. It’s what makes them unique!