I came across this video from Friso GUT Facebook on the debate about “Tiger Mother” of how Amy Chua (she’s pwetty!) raised her kids. OMG she sounded just like my mom!

I don’t know if the fact that there’s a little bit of Chinese blood in my mom (her grandfather is a Chinese by the way) has anything to do with it, but my mom is a “Tiger Mother” and she raised my siblings and I the “Tiger Mother” way. She didn’t send us for piano or violin classes tho, but she sent us for sempoa lessons (I used to be good at sempoa ok ;p). She made her own flashcards and books for us (yes, she made handmade books!) when we were little to teach us numbers, ABCs, Arabic alphabets, shapes, sizes, colors, spellings, etc etc.

Then starting from when we were in Standard 1 in primary school, she would sit with us at the table every night to monitor us doing homework and revisions. At 7pm everyone must have taken their shower, then solat Maghrib, recite Quran and have dinner. By 8.30pm we must all be seated at the table studying or doing homework. No TV at all! And we still have to study on weekends! Morning study until 1pm. Then have a break until 4pm and continue to study until 6pm. Malam is the same – study until 10pm. Our daily timetable consists of a lot of studying. Heck, we even had to bring our books when we were on holidays! And as if those were not enough, she sent us for tuitions, summer camps, motivational programs, ceramah, etc etc.

Besides that, we were only allowed to go out with friends (weekends only) when we were 18. Of course with curfews – we must be home by 6pm. Malam memang langsung tak boleh keluar.

Did we like it?
Of course not! But we obeyed her. Kalau tak, memang nak kena.

My mom was like a teacher – she taught us maths, English, BM, Science, Agama, everything. She would tell us which chapter to read, which exercise to do, and if we have trouble understanding a certain topic – maths especially – there’ll be a “drilling process”, as what my mom used to call it. Drill bagi sampai masuk otak! God, it was scary. Especially if my dad was also involved in the drilling process. Mereka akan ajar sampai betul-betul faham. I still remember there were a lot of crying kalau belajar maths! Haha. Tapi lepas tu jadi pandai (thank you mama, abah)!

I got straight A’s for UPSR and PMR, and was one of the best students in school (but not for SPM tho. Heee).

Umm yeah, I was one of those kids who hated the camera so that explains the “pose” ;p

The only difference between my mom and the real “Tiger Mother” is, she would not punish us if we didn’t get number 1 in class or straight A’s. She said, “Yang penting kena usaha and learn from mistakes”. She would only punish if we didn’t want to study!

I guess there are some pros of the “Tiger Mother” way. The way Chinese parents see it, children on their own will never want to work on their initiative so it’s important for parents to override their preferences and it often requires fortitude on the part of the parents because the child will resist. If my mom wasn’t as strict as she had been on us, I don’t think I would have the initiative to study on my own. So yeah, I do think parents need to be strict. Tapi strict bertempat la.

Like for example, I cannot be too strict on my kids now. They’re still so young and I understand that they have very short attention span.

We bought this white board the other day and I’ve been using it to teach Ayra numbers, letters, Arabic alphabets, etc. I drew some objects (excuse my bad drawing) and asked her to count how many objects are there and place the magnetic numbers beside them. She managed to do it, but only for a good 15 minutes. Lepas tu she just wants to do her thang – scribble!

I won’t push her to do more than what she wants to do – I mean, she’s only 2.5 years old! We can’t force little kids, can we? I don’t think my mom did that too. She was lenient when we were little. I think I’m lenient too. Of course that doesn’t mean letting Ayra do whatever she wants even if it’s wrong (don’t worry, she doesn’t scribble the wall anymore).

Tapi kalau dah besar nanti, lain cerita laa.
Must. Be. Strict.

But not too strict like Amy Chua’s way. (No playdates? I mean, come on!)

A lot of parents who joined the Tiger Mother discussion on Friso GUT Facebook are either 50-50 about the “Tiger Mother” parenting style or completely against it. I’m definitely 50-50!

I was checking out Friso Facebook page yesterday when I came across a debate on “Tiger Mother”. It was from this book by Amy Chua, entitled Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother. Have you heard or read the book?

I haven’t read the book yet but I’ve read some excerpts and reviews about it. Apparently when it comes to parenting, Chinese mothers want full control of the destiny of their children and they believe that they know best. Western mothers on the other hand, opt for freedom and the joy of exploration on their children. This actually goes beyond race and more of who you are as a parent.

There are some mentions about how Chua raised her children with endless piano and violin lessons since 2, no sleepovers, threatened to burn stuffed toys if her daughter didn’t improve her piano playing, threw them out in the cold, etc. Sounded so harsh and extreme, doncha think? I don’t know if it’s good to be a “Tiger Mother”. I mean, of course all parents want their children to obey and listen to them. But I don’t want my kids to do things out of fear. I want them to understand why I told them to do so and so without being too harsh. I want respect, not “being afraid of”. But then if they don’t wanna listen, how then? Should I turn into a “tiger”?

I know, parenting is subjective and can be a sensitive issue. What works for you and your children may not work for others. But we all do what we do because we think it’s the best for our children. After all, being a good parent is more than just loving your child. Your parenting style is the key to shape your children’s behaviors. It’s kinda scary to think that the parenting style we opt have an impact on our children. What if I chose the wrong one? Does it make me a crappy mom? How do I know what is right and what is wrong? Is it better to be a “Tiger Mother”?

According to what I’ve read, there are 3 types of parenting styles:

Authoritarian Parenting Style (the “Tiger Mother” way)
Authoritarian parents don’t feel they need to explain their rules or the reasons why they expect their children to do certain things. The main focus of these parents is on what their children do wrong and the punishment for misbehavior is often harsh. Should a child question a rule, they will often hear from their parents, “Because I said so”. Parents that use this style feel they must be in control all the time. They parent by a set of rules that must be followed. Children have little or no freedom. Discipline is usually a form of reward and punishment. Children learn early to please their parents to gain a reward. They may behave because they fear their parents. Children either go along and have a hard time learning to think for themselves or they may rebel in reaction to the controlling methods of their parents.

Permissive Parenting Style
Parents who adopt this style may have concerns that their children will not like them if they set limits or they see themselves as their children’s friend and not their parent who is there to guide and set limits. These parents allow freedom with little or no responsibility. As their children get older these parents may feel they have no power to make changes in their children’s misbehavior. Children without limits have no sense of responsibility, have trouble with relationships and the rights of others and can find the world a difficult place. It is unfair to raise a child without limits or to keep changing the limits that are set. Children do not need or want freedom without limitations.

Democratic (or Authoritative) Parenting Style
The days of “Do what I say without question” are over. This means having the attitude that both parents and children are equals. Not in the sense of life experience or intelligence but in value. From an early age parents have clear expectations for their children and enforce reasonable limits. Children are given limited choices to help them learn and experience the consequences of their choices and that their decisions count. Giving choices balances freedom with responsibilities.When children have some control and ownership in their lives they are more cooperative and have better self-esteem. Parents focus on encouragement and acknowledgment of good behavior. Parents focus on discipline that teaches not one that intimidates with punishment or promotes good behavior with inappropriate rewards.

Of course from those 3, the democratic parenting style seems like the best approach to parenting, no? There’s a balance between authoritarian and permissive parenting styles. So what is your parenting style? Do you think you’re a “Tiger Mother” or more like the Western mothers?

Read what other moms have to say about the Tiger Mother on Facebook.
To be honest, I don’t know which one am I. Probably a bit of both!

I don’t know about you, but I love seeing dads with their kids – especially young dads with babies or small children. I think it’s the cutest thing ever. It’s like…. seeing a superhero with a little angel!

Same goes when I see my husband with our kids. Every time I think about it, I feel so blessed and lucky. My husband may not be a romantic kind of guy – the kind who leaves secret love notes inside my bag or place a rose under my pillow or sings mushy love songs or stuff like that, but he is one loving and understanding guy. And he’s an amazing father too!

When people ask me, with whom are my children more manja – me or my husband, I would always say both. Well ok, obviously Raina is more attached to me because she’s still a baby and I am her source of food and comfort and everything, but as for Ayra, she’s manja with both of us. In fact sometimes I think she prefers her daddy more than her mommy – probably because her baby sis needs me more than she does and err probably because I am more garang than my hubby. Hee… But yeah, Ayra is such a daddy’s girl!

I get a warm fuzzy feeling when I see just how close the relationship between my husband and our kids. It just melts my heart. Fathers are just awesome, no? I even created a personalized t-shirt for my husband to say just how awesome he is to my kids. You can create yours too with this Oreo T-Card app on Facebook.

Just follow the steps…

And it’s done!

There’s also a Father’s Day celebration with Oreo Daddy Dunk happening on 19th June 2011 at One Utama. There’ll be loads of fun games and activities. And guess what? Aaron Aziz would be there too, yayyy! So the kids can spend time playing with their daddies while the mommies can *ehem* get up close and personal with Aaron Aziz. Tee-hee. Kidding! ;p

Remember to bring any Oreo proof of purchase to redeem the personalized Father’s Day t-shirt that you created on Facebook ok. Or you can just purchase Oreos at the event and use that to redeem it.

I hope my husband likes the t-shirt that I designed for him!

Anyways…

Here’s to all Super Dads out there. You guys rock!